Hear Ye, Hear Ye

My mother's laugh is like the peal of an alarm bell. Not the new obnoxious bells you hear now in public places(eh-eh-eh with accompanying flashing lights). No, the old-fashioned school alarm bell - metal on metal. A sound when heard that I could never confuse with any other, a sound that compels you to join in even if you don't know the joke; a sound of home. Laughing is not the only thing my mother does loudly, its just my favorite loud sound she makes.

I'm not sure if my mother's loud and carrying voice is a learned skill or a talent she was born with; having grown up in New York City, a loud voice could come in handy if you wanted to make sure you were heard. Thing is, I know other people who grew up in the same spot she did and do not carry the power within their voice that she commands, so perhaps she was destined to yell in utero. She has an uncanny ability to be heard, regardless of circumstance or situation; when you hear her beckoning, my advice is to pay heed. Grocery stores, public events, church - you hear it, you better answer. I know people she has worked with who made her place their unpleasant phone calls for them, so powerful is her voice. Even now, at the age of thirty six, I sit up straight and my arm hair stands on end when I hear her call.

I never witnessed embarrassment on my mother's part when she would call for us. Out the window was her specialty. There was not a neighbor within a ten block radius who was not familiar with mine or my brother's name. I always expected strangers on the street to say, 'oh, you're the Kellianne we keep hearing about - why don't you learn to get home on time?' Time to come home, she yelled. I was caught crossing the street without permission, she yelled. I rang the bell too many times, she yelled. I once heard my mother's voice calling me home from around a corner and across a street. Not too terribly remarkable you might scoff (especially if you've forgotten that we were in New York); the thing is, I was underwater at the time, swimming in a friend's pool. Another time I fell down cement courtyard stairs while riding my bike, so startled was I when I heard my mother's voice. She called, I shook, and down the steps I went. Yelling was not necessarily indicative of emotion for my mother - angry, happy, indifferent - yelling was her currency and we always paid in full. The beauty of my mother's yell was that once she got it out of her system, she was done. Case closed, and we moved onto the next thing.

Alternately, and significantly more frightening, was my mother's ability to speak without moving her lips. This, I know for a fact, was a learned skill. I've seen her sister do it (actually, without using any facial muscles at all) and my grandmother was quite adept as well. If you got to a point where my mother was speaking in a hiss, you knew you were up shit's creek and silently prayed for the yelling to commence. My mother didn't curse when we were children, but she did say frigging quite a bit and sommana. I believe sommana to be a melding together of sounds found in son-of-a, most often followed by bitch. She never said the bitch part, but when talking sans lip movement, one is granted certain liberties, as this is a feat unto itself. And really the bitch would have just been redundant because when someone seems completely composed to the outside observer, but is making you almost mess your pants, curses are unnecessary. Usually this occurred in public when you were bordering on embarrassing her. You knew you had no one to blame but yourself because there had been fair warnings of yelling and stink eye. I've always wondered how someone with occasional lockjaw could sustain talking like this, but like so many things with my mother, it remains a mystery.

It is my firm belief that my mother could have pursued any number of careers - fish monger, street crier, professional spy; instead she chose to teach us how to laugh.

This weeks tip: As someone who uses their voice for a living, I have found this particular motherly tip to come in handy quite often. If you find yourself with a sore throat, nothing beats gargling with salt water. Hot salt water. Fill a juice glass with water as hot as you can stand to put in your mouth. Throw some salt in and swish it around. Gargle, spit, repeat as frequently as you can and especially before bed. This works extremely well at soothing a sore throat and is especially handy when pregnant and over the counter medications are out of the question.